For this week’s activity, I am going to be editing Jeanie Pham‘s artist conversation she did on week 8 about Norax Ayala. Jeanie had a few technical errors in her post. The first one I came across was the sentence, “She describe this as being digital.” She should have added the letter “d” or “s” at the end of describe. Another error I came across is when she forgot to add a period at the end of, “Ayala’s pieces were incredibly relatable in many aspects”.
As I was reading her post, I had come across two sentences that didn’t make sense to me. In the paragraph she was talking about why the artist chose the medium that she used and within that paragraph she added in, “Her mother had a big role in her art career because of her influence. Her parents are both Hispanic, Mexican. ” I felt like these statements didn’t belong on that paragraph and should be moved to a different paragraph that talks more about the artist personally. Jeanie also wrote, “Ayala is a huge advocate for the LGBT. For anyone who does not know, that acronym stands Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender. It is very personal for her to work as a feminist.” In this statement, I got a little confused as to how being an advocate for the LGBT community and being a feminist was related. I think she should have clarified in that paragraph a little more. I believe that Jeanie should add more clarification to her third paragraph. I feel as if the paragraph doesn’t flow with the rest of her post.
For my own post that I am editing, I am going to critique my week 7 artist conversation with Jane Weibel. It think I should also add in more clarification to some of the statements I make. I also realize that sometimes I can start to sound repetitive in my writing. I noticed that I often run out of different things to say, so I tend to repeat myself just using different words. I also think that I should try to practice my sentence structures to make my posts flow and read a little easier. But overall, I do think I did a pretty good job and that I should be proud of myself.
Jeanie Pham’s contact information:
Here is a picture of my dinner! I went to eat at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles with the boyfriend!